This time of year, many parent friends of mine are sending their kids off to college either for the first or for the last time, and I see them struggling with the idea of facing their sadness. They seem emotional and ponder things like, “that will be the last time my child has a prom” or “this is the last time we’ll get to coach soccer,” and what have you.
I experienced something different. When my daughter left for college, I was excited for her, and proud that I’d done what I could to raise her to be ready to leave the nest. I nearly wanted to go to college again myself. I found it liberating because I was able to focus a bit more on myself and my life going forward, writing and editing for Denver Parent Magazine, networking with other empty-nester adults, going out on dates with my husband more often, and travelling.
I remember when I dropped my daughter off at Kindergarten and many other moms were in tears, crying because they were feeling emotional about their kids leaving or starting school for the first time. Not me! I was thinking, “Hallelujah!” Finally, I could run errands alone, visit a park to read a book, and have coffee with friends. I still stayed close to my phone because as a parent, you never know when the kids will need to come home after getting sick or having some other issue. So that meant going to the movies was out. Still, that was my first feeling of freedom and I loved it, because prior to that it was all about constantly catering to a newborn, changing diapers, giving back-breaking baths, and chasing after curious toddlers. I didn’t dislike all of these things, but I found it rather exhausting.
In the summers, when school was out, I remember struggling to find interesting and fun things to do with my children, and eventually hired a babysitter a couple of hours twice a week simply so I could go sit in a park or shop and just be alone with my thoughts. It rejuvenated me, and my kids enjoyed the babysitters for a time. I used to feel guilty leaving for three or four hours in the middle of the day just to be on my own, but then I realized that I was taking care of my emotional health and it was worth it. Since then, I’ve recommended that other parents consider that idea.
I guess what I’m most excited about now that my kids are basically grown and flown is the fact that when I do see them, it’s incredibly rewarding. We have wonderful adult conversations; we laugh and enjoy each other’s company. We still take trips together and it’s a completely different bonding experience from that which I had as they grew older. It was still wonderful to see them at each stage in their lives, but I’m not regretting that they’re becoming independent and making the most of the future. It’s a relief, actually, and I don’t feel sad.
